I have several hippie-ish bumper stickers on my car, and the subject line of this blog is one of them. I love it. It resonates with me completely-- it's what I want my life to be about.
I used to worry that I wasn't ambitious enough--that I didn't have any lofty goals in life. I have never wanted to be successful in the worldly sense, in fact, I never even thought about it. I don't advocate that approach entirely. I probably should have thought more carefully about my education and career plans, but I didn't. I sort of floated through life with the vague sense that all would be well. I was not without anxiety and neuroses, but these did not concern how I would take care of myself---I just knew that I would be taken care of.
I don't worry about my lack of ambition anymore. I see that my real goal-- in fact-- my only goal-- to be God's love in the world--is ambitious enough. And Oh Lordy! Do I get plenty of practice!? Yes indeed. There is great truth in the old adage "be careful what you wish for."
I know many people will disagree with this, but I feel that Ian was given to us for a reason. He is my son by design, and we were meant to be together. If one believes in reincarnation, perhaps we are furthering our spiritual development by continuing to work on whatever "stuff" we had in a past life together---it's an interesting idea, isn't it? At any rate, here we are together in this life, and I believe there is a definite purpose involved. I'm not sure what the lesson is for Ian, but for me it is love, love, LOVE. Learning to love without limits, loving when I'm tired, cranky, sad, at the end of my rope, when I feel that there is nothing left to love with---I must still go on loving. And how do I go on loving? Only with God. On my own strength and will, I would be dust by now, but God is there, doing the loving when I can't. Does that make sense? God loves through me---which is really, really cool. If I can learn to get out of the way, more of God's love can pour through me. I need to be the hollow reed. But becoming the hollow reed sometimes really sucks. It's hard. I want what I want when I want it. So there. But as Ram Dass would say "It's all grist for the mill", and even my bad attitude teaches me how far I have to go spiritually. It's all good. I need to be as loving and patient with myself as I know God is with me.
And God has given me the best companions ever for this journey starting with my beloved husband, and branching out to my family and friends. Thank you. I am grateful.
This one is for you Shannon. Thanks for caring.
