I'm not sure what I want to say in this blog post. There is a lot of "stuff" that has been going on for the past few months, but I am hesitant to be as blunt as I would like to be, because there could be negative consequences. If I offend folks in "high places," the outcome could possibly be the same as what happened with Ian's last provider. They got tired of us and of Ian's behaviors, and simply dropped him, and we had to find another provider. It was traumatic for us and for Ian, and after an extensive search, we did find another provider, and for the most part, we are happy with them. But there are...."things".....

I am positive that they have not encountered many parents like John and I. We are very, very involved in Ian's day-to-day life. I am over to his new apartment nearly every day, and I see exactly what is going on. I can see that what was promised has often not come to fruition, and it can be very frustrating. Although I don't doubt the sincerity and the work ethic of those in charge, it just seems that unless John and I are constantly on top of things, and push regularly for what was promised to us, these things just don't get done in a timely matter, or don't get done at all. I don't want to get into specifics here for fear of reprisals, but it's been frustrating and painful.

I have never been one to "rock the boat." My style is to be collaborative and nurturing with Ian's staff and those in charge, and it is very hard for me to be tough and blunt. I usually leave this to my husband, and we are a sort of "good cop, bad cop" team. Unfortunately, my husband is dealing with serious health issues, and can't always be the bad cop. I have to somehow find a way to deal with serious issues in an assertive way without alienating the people who have control over my son's life. I always want to find a way to connect with people; to understand where they are coming from and to appreciate why they do what they do. I pray a lot. I trust in the Lord. But I know I also have to act in my son's best interest at all times.

There are no "bad guys" in this scenario; there seems to simply be a lack of follow through on promises made. I don't understand why this is so, but I have to think that everyone has Ian's and his roommates' best interests at heart, and (being the optimistic person I am) that there is a way to find positive resolutions to the difficulties.

I know I'm being vague, but it is vital that I don't single anyone out or be more specific, as it could detrimentally impact my son's living environment. He is my heart, and his happiness is the most important thing to me. Given his limitations, I want him to have as full and complete a life as possible, and although it seems that everyone is on the same page, that hasn't worked out practically.

If you are the praying type, please pray that I always handle things with compassion, gentleness, and understanding. I truly LOVE everyone that is involved with Ian, and the last thing I would ever want to do is cause anyone pain, anger, or frustration. I have been amazed by many of the staff's loving attitude toward Ian, and I hope they know how much I appreciate all that they do. But I do need to "put on my big girl panties" and stand up for my son when things are not quite right. Oh, and I am NOT expecting perfection, just that what is promised actually happens.

I am typing this late at night, so it may be a bit convoluted. Thank you for your prayers. I am a strong believer in prayer, and certainly I know that God wants the best for Ian, his roommates, and for everyone else involved in his life.