Speech

Go see The King's Speech. Colin Firth and Geoffrey Rush are absolutely brilliant in their roles. You will laugh. You will cry. You will want to see it again.

It also made me think about how vital verbal communication is to us as a species. Of course there are lots of non-verbal cues when we speak, but the actual words and the ease with which these words are spoken are so important to getting our meaning across to our fellow humans. It is something that most of us take for granted.

My son has no words.

He started speaking at the usual age, although there were probably signs of emerging autism even then, but when he was four years old he lost all of his speech. Suddenly. It was almost like he was talking one day, and then not talking at all the next. Boom. John, Kirsten (my daughter) and I still remember some of his sentences. Once when I had both my children with me at the drug store I looked at them and said "Now remember, no touching!" After a few moments I heard Ian's little voice pipe up "No-no, Disten (his word for Kirsten), don't touch!" and I turned around and saw my daughter quickly put her hand back to her side. Yes, Ian was a narc at a young age! He was probably about 2-years old then.

It's hard to believe now that he actually spoke. That he said mommy and daddy and many other words. The only phrase he has left is "buh-buh" which is his way of saying "bye-bye." It's been 14 years since we heard our son speak any meaningful phrases. He is certainly VERY vocal--think of the sound Godzilla makes in those old Japanese movies and you get an idea of how he sounds most of the time--but there are no more words.

John and I, and his caregivers, have become very adept at deciphering what Ian wants through his gestures and vocalizations, and by the way he takes our arms and leads us to what he wants. He also points to picture symbols to show us what he wants to eat (mostly chocolate!) We have learned to read his squeaks and growls, his hoots and groans, and all his various postures, but oh! It would be soooooo much easier to hear him talk. We often wonder what exactly he is thinking, whether he is in pain when he gets teary and angry, and it is very frustrating not to be able to simply ask him what is wrong.

I had a dream several years ago. In this dream I was in heaven. I was on a beach, and the sand was a brilliant, blinding white and the ocean a deep, jewel-like blue.  In the distance I saw my son running toward me. He looked as he did when he was about three, with his flaxen hair and blue, blue eyes. He was smiling and laughing as he ran into my arms. As I embraced him he leaned back, looked me in the eye and announced proudly "Look Mommy---I can talk!" I woke up with tears on my face.

I really don't know what the next life will be like, but I dearly hope and pray that I can hear my son speak as I hold him in my arms, and that we can run laughing down that beautiful beach basking in the love of God.