Feelers

Yesterday evening I was giving Ian a bath and my husband came in to talk to me about something that was both painful and frustrating to him. Suddenly, Ian tried to pull me into the bath with him. His eyes clouded, he started breathing heavily, and his lips assumed the position we call "bird lips" His lips get very tight and small. These are all signs he is upset and sad. We realized right away that Ian was picking up on John's emotions. It's very strange---Ian can pull his hair out, gouge deep valleys of sores in his skin, and even have a rotted tooth for months that we didn't know about, and show no outward signs of being in any kind of pain. His pain threshold is stratospheric! But he is exquisitely sensitive to emotions---particularly his dad's. We immediately reassured him that all was well, that daddy was not angry with him and then asked him if he wanted to go "under."  That is our term for the comfort measure that seems to work the best with Ian. All three of us pile in our bed, with Ian in the middle, pull the covers up and commune silently. Ian will look back and forth at each of us, and if our expressions are benign, he will start to relax and smile. Sometimes it takes quite a long time for him to reach a place of peace, and we'll just hang out in the bed until he is comforted. It helps to have reading material handy for the long hauls. Anyway, I got Ian out of the bath, into his jammies, and off we went to get "under." He was still breathing heavily, still had bird lips, and still had tears in his eyes. He spent the first 10 minutes or so gazing at John, and John looked at him with a loving smile. Eventually, Ian relaxed and pulled the covers over his head. Fortuitously, we had Christmas music playing downstairs that we could hear, so John and I just enjoyed listening to that while Ian collected himself. We stayed under for quite a while. It was very zen. There was nothing to do but wait, listen to music and cuddle Ian. Eventually, all was well and Ian was ready to go about his Ian business. Ian definitely has advanced case of "feelers."